Brokenness

I am hunted by my past.
A whole lot is hitting me all at once and I can’t dodge it
 It coming at me to fast.
No breaks on my past.
I’m trying slow it down but I can’t pause it
 I’m coming up with all these ridiculous reasons on why I should just keep doing what I’m doing and ignore it.
All my emotions are fighting inside of me,
 And there ain’t no refs calling calls to resolve it.
Emotions all bottled up inside of me…. I have to shatter it,
But have never been confident on how to battle them and trash them.
 My emotions and my character are avoiding each other like the wrong sides of magnets…but they are all bottled up in me and I’m trying to renew myself and recycle it,
Tolerate whatever it is to cause brokenness and heal me and then regain my confidence,
But I’m still sleeping on it, allowing my pride and my integrity to hide it,
 Eventually everything inside of me will come out of me and I won’t be able to control it.
I’m allowing the world to change me and affect my behavior.
My actions my manners then lead to a reaction, that could ultimately lead to a serious consequence….That I know the Lord didn't put me on this earth to experience