New: Wounded Rhymes

I didn't want to get use to being apart from you
And I didn't want to have a pattern of past moments frequently playing in My mind because repetition is the only way I can go back and with you, spend time
I Remember when you said you weren't going anywhere, no matter what happens.
But it's going on weeks of not seeing each other
And I remember a time when we couldn't go some time without one
another
Not even hours we had to make sure we saw each other before the night was over
And I can only think that,
why did I believe you?
What did I do wrong?
Why did I not stop this before
"I Really Like you" went to something further?
I was just your space filler, help the time fly by for you until you found another.
Time spent together feels like none of it meant anything,
and thinking back on it all, my memories are detrimental to my heart, because these memories feel like 1,000 deadly bee stings
And now your claiming that we're just friends...
And we both knew it grew to be something more than that. No matter how much we tried to Deny that.
I think back to everything you confessed on that night into the early morning
And can only feel that this was no special thing, it was just collateral so you can have a spring semester fling
Everything you said makes me so angry
That I wish I could commit mass murder to your verbal language.
Because I'm hurting.
Something you expressed to me that you would never do.
But I guess it is possible for whatever this friendship has turned into
I believed in it all
You made me meet you parents and I thought that maybe that this may be real now
You bought someone important to my job and I finalized that maybe I should open up now
And maybe finally take you up on that date,
but I can't see my self holding myself together in front of you for awhile
I told you about the most vulnerable
organ inside me and it's damage
and thought that maybe you were the one who could operate this time.
But instead, my scar lies stretching across my heart
And here you come picking painful at it without even considering the pain your own heart had felt
...with no second thoughts.
How would you feel if you were me?
Probably nothing, because you depended on just words to guide us through
But my words were not what I relied on to show that I care for you.
You said you would never hurt me
But praying and crying myself to sleep is all that my nights know of.
Rest is impossible, when my mind constantly creates mental images of you and your company that I loved.
And I wake up with tears on my pillow case wishing I never met you at all
There is no way you can understand what I'm going through,
because at the end of the day you don't care and you expressed that on certain situations and that's so sad for the reason that,
I care way to much and my pride doesn't matter when I find something genuine and worth all my time
I hate the fact that I care, for the reason that the moments and feelings we shared together still linger here, and I wish I could drown them
but I can't because that I still have hope for them
Its hurts so much to recite a poem that I previously wrote for you
I never had the chance to show you
But These lines were arranged in a way that expressed how much I felt for you
Now they have disheveled and express the hurt that I couldn't verbalize to you
But now my rhymes took a turn to
only be recited with Hurt
And my emotions took a turn for the worst
And my confusion has escalated so high that confusion is frustrated with itself & it can only burst
And I wish my head didn't jump into all this headfirst
And I'm angry with myself because you are embedded in my mind & I wish you could feel what I feel if this situation was reversed
These lines I wrote for you were once bundles of emotional & passionate lines now they explain the confusion and the false perception you created for us two
These lines have transformed into wounded rhymes
I once wrote to you
"Beautiful has been made up in my mind that beautiful is when you look at me"
with wide eyes you use look at me and say I was beautiful,
Now I can only look back fighting myself not cry, because those same words are being told to another
I thought those same eyes once looked at me in a way that only wanted to focus on us, well that is what I thought.
I wrote
"Eyes staring like your eyes are apart of me, even though they are placed on another body
When your eyes gaze at me, they seem to piece every single missing part of me together constituting me as a whole"
now Im missing piece that i had before you,
And the biggest piece in me I couldn't keep safe or have kept,
And the Beating in my chest, you happen to have stolen,
And that beating in my chest was better then any song or beat we have ever listened to and it's gone,
and no Casey veggies song could make up for the missing piece inside of me.
I wanted to finish that poem but there may be no reason too
I want to hate you so bad but I can't
I want to stop playing every song that I love and feel in love with, along
with you, because they remind me of all the songs I wish I could be sick of
But I'm can't
I'm just going to continue to pray for you, and myself
Because I have no hate in my heart for you, for the reason that I still like you that much.
I just hope you find that happiness and you follow it through, but I must confess no matter how many tears I shed now.
I was at my peak happiness when I was with you.