I Need You to Know

I need
under certain conditions
things that I myself require 
nothing material
But, something that I feel is necessary or
I am currently lacking something that I envision not for just myself,
but possibly something readily available to share with another
something that keeps me obscurely wanting,  but feels so out of reach it's taunting
I need for my soul to feel every beat of your favorite song
and never come to and end
and I need an over abundance of sunshine to brighten all the eyes of those who acknowledge the blue skies
I need for you to know that I do fall apart
and I need someone strong enough to carry what I can't stand to rise
and I need you to comfort my cries, 
because for forever it will be evident that your heart dies if you can't visualize my smile
I need to see your eyes near candle light, because the sight of you is sacred
I need for you to know that
I was created for the one who has nowhere else to go,
just know your presence is always welcomed
I need you to know I write poems to Bon Iver in the dark with only one thought, 
of You, 
that who ever it is that I will love, 
I wrote you these poems before even meeting you
I need a warm soul
and I need the laughter of a small child to remind me that in the future being a mother is what I want to be my greatest job.
I need patience,  
because the anticipation before the beginning of anything is always the realist
I need you to comprehend the nature of me,
perceive who I am in all aspects
I don't want to always ask why
I need you to know I never missed someone (who is still living) so much in my life 
and I need you to know that Boy II Men made me never want to pass anything by
I need you to know that these words 
I write are always my truth and this is what I do to mentally sooth.
I need you to know I have a secret or two
I need you to know I cry after reading some of my own writing 
I need you to know I am incapable of giving up  a fight 
I need you to know that I still pray for you every night
I need you to know that I still feel the same
and from experience it takes a long while for people to change
and no one has ever taking me by surprise and when that person does 
I know I'm going to give you a chance, because the same always brings lies
I need you to know  I love more than the meaning of the word
I rather not fall but stumble upon
I need you to know that I feel much softer and at ease when I hear your name
I need you to know that the memories we made, still play in my head like it all happened yesterday
I need you to know that I hope I wasn't the reason another man has walked away
I need you to know my tears aren't liquid weakness,
but feelings secreting from a place that I don't usually open
I need you to know I'm close
I need you to know
I'm not ordinary
I need you to know 
I hug rarely
I need you to know you just can't give up on me
because everybody else did 
I need you to know I am never going to give up on you
so stay here with me 

Foolish Heart

I'm covered
No one gets to get in
Protected
armor, guards, and big pit pull dogs defend this heart
Collect everything
all feelings gathered and compressed in jar
no liberation, last time they got out
he did not feel the same way
quiet, no sharing and definitely no explaining
he knew my story and to wound me,
used every bit of it against me
to destroy all the development I have made within me
folding in on myself
stressful feeling in my chest, find myself worried about me
needing time to ask myself when did all this become me
unready,
no preparation for the unfolding,  lost my cape
because if my love was real how can I trust another to reciprocate
lost, everything and everybody I thought I knew and know
disoriented, confused, baffled expressions
unaware of everything, family, friends
when I thought, with him I was feeling heaven
doubt, no chance of me and another
every one of him, is the same
uncertainty, every thought or emotions of
connected with another is unsettling

it has been an entire year that we have been apart from each other
and to me that is a good thing
we both had some growing to do and it had to be done with us not being together
we learned to hurt each other the entire time together
and it was just getting worse
we learned to lie to one another and couldn't tell the truth even if it did not hurt
we could not be apart from each other
when being apart from each other for us worked
we could not learn to miss each other
and we could not be away
but one of use had to let the other go for our own sake
the all that time we spent together I want to believe it was real
but for now without you
my head is clear
without the hurt and the pain I see clearly now
that you were everything that I feared but I had to go through it with you and face those fears

Confession:

Confession: What would you do if I left you In the Blue

You left me in the blue, and it is as if i have no where else to move
this how I contemplate, for the reason that emotions always turned back to you

Friends knew it was just a infatuation, but after sometime

I made emotions that where someone Else's ….mine

I should of kept this all to the unknown because this was something to me that was way out of my zone

and a companionship that was already complete should be left alone

Confession: What would you do if I left you In the Blue

you left me in the blue…and I rather just have the rain just downpour

of a clear liquid substance that can bring some type of reality to me

because what was brought to light in this very sunlight was a tragedy

And there is no reason to place any of this blame on me

Confession: What would you do if I left you In the Blue

You choose to deal

You appointed the position of how these cards should be dealt

In this process you found in me your heart,

so now you try to take it back but me in your life,

as you are in mine, u are a major part

however, you ignored the fact that your heart was in the correct place from the start

Confession: What would you do if I left you In the Blue

I never wanted this, but still endured it in left with someones changing disposition without any type of explanation, just being left out in the blue with “who really knows your intention” recognition If you where in my position what would you do?

Confession: What would you do if I left you In the Blue

You left me out in the blue,

I suddenly want this to be all over

But please do not forget what you said. because my heart was torn into pieces

and I would never do that to you

All I ask for is truth because then I could avoid the fighting back tears and my heart being in pieces because of you

Confession: What would you do if I left you In the Blue

I thought you would be that someone that I can truly say I would never find another like you but I have moved on with another mindset in you I have just made a taboo

Confession: What would you if left you in the blue

Confession:

Confession:
What would you do if I left you In of the Blue

You left me in the blue, and it is as if i have no where else to move
this how time I contemplate, for the reason that emotions always turned back to you
Friends knew it was just a infatuation, but after sometime I made emotions that where some elses my own
I should of kept this all to the unknown
because this was something to me that was way out of my zone and a companionship that was already complete should be left alone


Confession:
What would you do if I left you In of the Blue

you left me in the blue...and I rather just have the rain just rain on me
A downpour of a clear liquid substance that can bring some type of reality to me
because what was brought to light in this very sunlight was a tragedy.
And there is no reason to place any of this blame on me

Confession:
What would you do if I left you In of the Blue

For the reason that this is the hand that you choose to deal
You appointed the position of how these cards should be dealt
In this process you found in me your heart, so know you try to take it back and steal
however, you ignored the fact that your heart was in the correct place from the start

Confession:
What would you do if I left you In of the Blue

I never wanted this, but still endured it
in left with someones changing disposition
without no type of explanation, just being left out in the blue
with "who really knows your intention" recognition
If you where in my position what would you do?

Confession:
What would you do if I left you In of the Blue

You left me out in the blue, in I suddenly want this to be all over
But please do not forget what you said. because my heart was torn into pieces and I would never do that to you
All I ask is for more truth
because then I could of avoid the fighting back tears and my heart being in pieces

Confession:
What would you do if I left you In of the Blue

I thought you would be that someone that I can truly say I would never find another like you
but i have moved on with another mindset
in you I have just made a taboo

Confession: This will be my last and only day being rejected

Confession:

I wish I had my mind made up
But there were so many reasons even sensations
This I needed to give you recognition
keep from being bottled inside and release this feeling that pushed this very inclination
that told me it had to come out and whatever that I felt was calling and say it to you myself
And what I need to say was taking baby steps from my lips to your ears so that you can hear for yourself

Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

I do not understand why I can't keep this captive
In my heart, so you never have to know
locked up, under security watch, no release, and never have to worry about feeling becoming active
Keep them in my head and hopefully some other way you will eventually be able to know

Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

I finally took the time and counted
what could be worse ...you taking this chance or me left and being rejected
I never know until i try
so words slip through lips that chose words carefully to say
The words were spoken and all I want to do is hide or leave with a rushed goodbye
I hope for a good response, as I sit back waiting for you with a relieved...sigh


Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

What I feared the most hit me..and I was declined
And I wish the rush of me ever telling you this was gone
because I did not prepare myself to hear words that came close to No
I thought I was being brave and I was looking forward to a mutual response that I could set in stone

Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

And now I just want to remove myself from any other inklings
because I went with this one and was denied your hearts entree
Even though you did not intend to deny me or hurt me
but rejection still hurts when your denied what you want so dearly



Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

But I am going to take this in a way that is nothing more or less
because If I did not take this chance how would I ever be able to speak what was needed to be expressed
You were kind and I will not object that
There could always be something else down the line


Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

So i take this as a lesson
but I will never forget that rejection is like a mission
set my self up before I throw myself in a life changing experiences
rejection does not feel so good
But I know in my heart now that I am a better person for giving this a heart felt try

Confession:

As though something is blocking you
Maybe it could be myself
which could be the death of me
the death of potentially loving you or someone else
I finally reached the peak of all that I could ever express

Confession:
I think I'm Giving Into You Again

I tried to stop myself before
but I could not stop the harassment
of Love knocking at my front door
No matter how are these hard inevitable feeling
proceed to exceed every other emotions I had about anything else
My heart still fought to make you a feeling that needed to be
brought to justice and not fought and killed as though
it were a troubling curse

Confession:
I Think I'm Giving Into You Again

And how could love be a cursed
Loving you I Know was the best thing
that I could ever do
So If this is a curse, It must be a curse
that is suppose to be set upon me and hopefully
these emotions I have for you can be set free

Confession:
I Think I'm Giving Into You Again

Fought the look in your eyes that was more than a friendship
Strike back against you placing your hand upon me
Because I felt a sensation that felt like my body was
raining a tropical rain forest shower
A smile that told my heart that there is a reason for my whole
world to smile
Words that made sentences that spoke to me
that felt like physically your warm arms did not have to hold me
because alone your words placed comfort that was unbreakable for me

And Again A
Confession:
I Think I'm Giving Into You Again

Confession:

I'm Giving Into You Again

Confession

Im not even going to write it up
in this blog and tell ya'll lies. That ain't me
But I have to make a confession. I've been slacking
huge lately. Like I'm potato Couching it right now well lets just say
oreo cookies and nutter butterin it. I spent two weeks not going
running or working on my ball game. My madre who is usually my inspiration
hasn't been on me. She dont want to work out because her hair. And I won't lie
I am to (I dont have a perm in rite now. doing things natural). But still that
shouldn't matter right. "I gotta a dollar and a dream"-J. Cole. and I'm not spending time
right. So Ima get back on it wake my mom up a little too and find out
why I was doing this again