I Need You to Know

I need
under certain conditions
things that I myself require 
nothing material
But, something that I feel is necessary or
I am currently lacking something that I envision not for just myself,
but possibly something readily available to share with another
something that keeps me obscurely wanting,  but feels so out of reach it's taunting
I need for my soul to feel every beat of your favorite song
and never come to and end
and I need an over abundance of sunshine to brighten all the eyes of those who acknowledge the blue skies
I need for you to know that I do fall apart
and I need someone strong enough to carry what I can't stand to rise
and I need you to comfort my cries, 
because for forever it will be evident that your heart dies if you can't visualize my smile
I need to see your eyes near candle light, because the sight of you is sacred
I need for you to know that
I was created for the one who has nowhere else to go,
just know your presence is always welcomed
I need you to know I write poems to Bon Iver in the dark with only one thought, 
of You, 
that who ever it is that I will love, 
I wrote you these poems before even meeting you
I need a warm soul
and I need the laughter of a small child to remind me that in the future being a mother is what I want to be my greatest job.
I need patience,  
because the anticipation before the beginning of anything is always the realist
I need you to comprehend the nature of me,
perceive who I am in all aspects
I don't want to always ask why
I need you to know I never missed someone (who is still living) so much in my life 
and I need you to know that Boy II Men made me never want to pass anything by
I need you to know that these words 
I write are always my truth and this is what I do to mentally sooth.
I need you to know I have a secret or two
I need you to know I cry after reading some of my own writing 
I need you to know I am incapable of giving up  a fight 
I need you to know that I still pray for you every night
I need you to know that I still feel the same
and from experience it takes a long while for people to change
and no one has ever taking me by surprise and when that person does 
I know I'm going to give you a chance, because the same always brings lies
I need you to know  I love more than the meaning of the word
I rather not fall but stumble upon
I need you to know that I feel much softer and at ease when I hear your name
I need you to know that the memories we made, still play in my head like it all happened yesterday
I need you to know that I hope I wasn't the reason another man has walked away
I need you to know my tears aren't liquid weakness,
but feelings secreting from a place that I don't usually open
I need you to know I'm close
I need you to know
I'm not ordinary
I need you to know 
I hug rarely
I need you to know you just can't give up on me
because everybody else did 
I need you to know I am never going to give up on you
so stay here with me 

Trouble Resting

My air is completely emptied out of me
I am not even apart of me
sometimes I lay at night
feeling like I am wide awake next to my sleeping body
resting isn't easy
and my mind has trouble resting down for me
how is this feeling, that has plummeted all the way down to the bottom of my gut
blocking everything inside of me
even my air ways
and this hurt I try to pray away
I don't even know how I am breathing
and I don't know how I can get in my bed
lay down to a dark room and tears that leave stains
when my eyelids do not conceal my eyes
and I'm barely sleeping through the pain
the worst part of feeling this way
is that all this trouble I am having
is probably for nothing
So i pray every night that I rather feel nothing
or that you are feeling something
maybe even thinking about me
and I wish I could experience some type of communication from you
because that would mean that maybe you are feeling this too
I would give anything to tell you I love you again
I don't want to admit that I angry
and I explode in my prays because I think maybe
the God is punishing me again
I'm am a "send" button away from just texting it to you
but embarrassment is humiliatingly
and my already torn heart cant do that to myself
It's almost like I am so close, self destruct
be I think about the things we did
and I just don't want to lose all those things

Over You

thought it would be better by myself... starting to think I was wrong

Feel the way that you want, just make sure it's real.