Working & Brunching

To get Back to my norm. I decided it's time I get back to posting on my blog.

I know, I know, where have I been? To answer your questions just somewhere in space. Things have been kinda difficult for me lately, but I think its just a test of strength and love to keep it short. Also, I'm pretty sure when I find the right words, I will be writing my it all in a poem.



But in the mean time, I have been active on my twins youtube channel, so you can def peep me there.



Peace, Joy, and Love



We will catch up soon!

On the Trigger

Sometimes I have this vision

of me loading all your words all into a gun

as if they were bullets

aiming at point blank range

so close, I can feel your heart beat against the muzzle

my finger on the trigger

no witness around to say I did it

so shut up

don't say one more thing

or my finger just may build enough courage to pull it

even though I know I couldn't shoot enough rounds

after reloading a couple times

for you to feel it

to feel the same lies

the same agony

the same shame

the same shots you rang out

as my heart was the target and  I was the range

so please don't say anything

because the words you speak are the reason why we are here now

with this automatic pointed at your chest

and your words bound

I have turned this pain into power now

with the ability to take life and love away

devastate your entire being in the same way you did me

find my way back in your life

just to break you down, while I watch you smile

I should let these bullets fly

while looking only into your eyes

I want you to know how it feels

to have love die inside

after thinking  you were living the best days of your life

and then falling apart after deliberately being hit by the love of your life

see you are my hearts glitch

and I'm trying to find when I fell for you like this

you are no longer my hearts power on switch

so as I lift this pistol,

this is not the time to pitch your sorriest apologies

or grab my hand to clinch

and as I aim I rather you not flinch

for the reason that this gun I drew

is still deciding whether this bullet is still for you

Thoughts of Me

to know that you thought about me sometime today
sent the most rapid amount of chills up my spine
but not the same chills that everyone describes
but the chills that seem to escalate the rate of the blood pumping
through my body
by 100 times
which at the same time
somehow convinced my breaths to slow down
because of the excitement of me just picturing you contemplating
the moments that we have compiled,
off sets my spine  until I can no longer stand for long periods of time
you constantly restore the memory of me, even though I'm gone
you allow thoughts of me to be strong
taking over your psyche
being held responsible for thoughts and feelings that in your head, that carry on
your expressing to me saying that  you thought of me
is telling me these thoughts were on purpose
because you anticipate my response
because you would like to know if my thoughts also consisted of you on purpose
you deliberately allowed thoughts of me to influence your smile
 and I can't help but deliberately appreciate
the act of you quietly soothing your world of noise
 by lending the memory of me to your mind
when apart that proves you still focus on a "us"
because thoughts lead to beliefs
and thoughts have natural and physical power
and if we commit ourselves to those same thoughts of me that made you smile
we can eventually live a real life together

It's been a while

It's been a while 

A very long time since that last time I thought about you

However that distance in time was much need 

To realize you were never worth the pursuit

Never worth my truth

The sky that day our eyes met, showered something for me to love

But those droplets were never intended to land on

Rather they were meant to fall and flow along a stream that would eventually 

Grace the bare feet of a man 

That would only love me from the water he stands on to however far "up" ..travels

"16 Bars for Kendrick Lamar"

I want to be what makes you honest.

"On Things of Which I am Ashamed" Zora Howard

it has been an entire year that we have been apart from each other
and to me that is a good thing
we both had some growing to do and it had to be done with us not being together
we learned to hurt each other the entire time together
and it was just getting worse
we learned to lie to one another and couldn't tell the truth even if it did not hurt
we could not be apart from each other
when being apart from each other for us worked
we could not learn to miss each other
and we could not be away
but one of use had to let the other go for our own sake
the all that time we spent together I want to believe it was real
but for now without you
my head is clear
without the hurt and the pain I see clearly now
that you were everything that I feared but I had to go through it with you and face those fears

Random: Late Night Poetry Session

You walked into my life when depression seemed to become the root of it all
I was giving up, willing to give up everything,
 turn in it all But you appeared just in time, potent enough to take on it all
Strong enough to correct everything in love that I have experienced was wrong
Change my heart to believe that it is possible to stumble upon a king of your own
One willing enough to heal a Queen who is the most important and beautiful of her kind but yet seemed to coexist with a covert jester
who only wanted to see her fall this Queen unable to eat,
 not able to battle her weakest enemies unable to sleep,
rest for energy to control her own activity Incapable of speech because conversation seemed to lack substance or truth,
it didn’t have any not able to see because water filled eyes made everything blurry
But you, you a King were strong for this Queen physically and mentally
holding on to God given power that only a real man could carry a King allowing his queen to rest not just for beauty but for him because her strength is the reason why he lives
A king who speaks not just of authority but of praises and respect for a Queen who makes him feel like she makes up each and every cell running through his body
And a King able to wipe off or turn those tears of his Queen to joy,
because just the feeling of her presence near, raises every hair on his body arose
A king who knows the risk of loving this Queen is all his and worth it
But he does,
because that is what a ruler of real love was sent to love
A Queen unable to be depressed when her night in shining armor is also her best
 A king who does not make it hard for his Queen
And a King who forces depression to leave and makes it easy for her to watch bad love make it leave This king doesn’t want space, and will wait up for her
 He rather be in a Thorne beside hers or occupying the same area that she blessed,
 A king who ago knows a Queen deserves better and this King is that better
And no other man be that space filler a Queen is not inadequate rather she is beyond ample enough for the King
 A king will do anything to make his Queen stay
 A king will walk in her life ready to stay and we never be somewhere else when his Queen needs him

Joshua Bennett "Plankton"

530 this morning

The moon is beautiful this morning. Incredible yellow hue. The light path it creates on the water could only lead to heaven. This supposed to be the part where I contact you. Spill all my feels. Or subtly tell you I miss you. I Love you. Instead I remain silent. My fate has been sealed. Last time I had no idea you’d come back. I did not believe you’d be mine. Then by the grace of the gods you were there. This time? I have it in my heart that you will be back. That again we will share life. you won’t. And you don’t. But I’m always right, right? The same part of me that tell me to quit are the same parts that tell me to keep going. I just sit and think. Only real answer I come up with is “why not?”. Just letting the universe take me where it shall, while I try to will it where my lies. Love might be the only thing I believe in, please, don’t fail me now.

 

The homie 

Source/peep: Bananaclipse.com 

Feel the way that you want, just make sure it's real.

Sorriest Sorry

Today I thought about, way more than a brief second. Probably for about 5 minutes. Those minutes were long, long enough for me to think about every song we listened to with each other, every late night we ever spent together, and ever conversation we held between each other. I did not plan on thinking about you, it somehow entered my mind. I find no matter how hard I tried, once my mind focuses and clears, you always find a way to reappear. I thought I was over, I thought I was starting new. So I was hoping the reason for my mind hoarding thoughts about you is only because that is its way of disposing you. I haven’t had the heart of saying out loud that I am totally through. For the reason that I believe in speaking things into existence and I still have hope that our time isn’t past due. In those seconds I felt every sensation, that I shared with you, whether its soft and warm because of the way you smiled, or your hands griping my forearm, while I set a fire inside because you said this would be the last time you would ever have to apologize. So I am saying my sorriest sorry because we always discussed that we would always share our feelings for each other, but now we do not talk to one another. But I am thinking about you, All the lies you told when I only ask for your truth, and all those words you spoke to me that feel like irritated gun shot wounds. I am still thinking about you, probably way more than I should. But it’s my mind telling me that you are possibly good or possibly bad you are for me, and these feelings I have for you are just misunderstood. Time will tell but I apologize to you because I thought about you once more and you don’t know. But I have this feeling that you’re feeling something when you enter my mind. So I apologize because we always said we would tell each other out loud. I’m Sorry because your thinking about me now, I can feel it.