I Need You to Know

I need
under certain conditions
things that I myself require 
nothing material
But, something that I feel is necessary or
I am currently lacking something that I envision not for just myself,
but possibly something readily available to share with another
something that keeps me obscurely wanting,  but feels so out of reach it's taunting
I need for my soul to feel every beat of your favorite song
and never come to and end
and I need an over abundance of sunshine to brighten all the eyes of those who acknowledge the blue skies
I need for you to know that I do fall apart
and I need someone strong enough to carry what I can't stand to rise
and I need you to comfort my cries, 
because for forever it will be evident that your heart dies if you can't visualize my smile
I need to see your eyes near candle light, because the sight of you is sacred
I need for you to know that
I was created for the one who has nowhere else to go,
just know your presence is always welcomed
I need you to know I write poems to Bon Iver in the dark with only one thought, 
of You, 
that who ever it is that I will love, 
I wrote you these poems before even meeting you
I need a warm soul
and I need the laughter of a small child to remind me that in the future being a mother is what I want to be my greatest job.
I need patience,  
because the anticipation before the beginning of anything is always the realist
I need you to comprehend the nature of me,
perceive who I am in all aspects
I don't want to always ask why
I need you to know I never missed someone (who is still living) so much in my life 
and I need you to know that Boy II Men made me never want to pass anything by
I need you to know that these words 
I write are always my truth and this is what I do to mentally sooth.
I need you to know I have a secret or two
I need you to know I cry after reading some of my own writing 
I need you to know I am incapable of giving up  a fight 
I need you to know that I still pray for you every night
I need you to know that I still feel the same
and from experience it takes a long while for people to change
and no one has ever taking me by surprise and when that person does 
I know I'm going to give you a chance, because the same always brings lies
I need you to know  I love more than the meaning of the word
I rather not fall but stumble upon
I need you to know that I feel much softer and at ease when I hear your name
I need you to know that the memories we made, still play in my head like it all happened yesterday
I need you to know that I hope I wasn't the reason another man has walked away
I need you to know my tears aren't liquid weakness,
but feelings secreting from a place that I don't usually open
I need you to know I'm close
I need you to know
I'm not ordinary
I need you to know 
I hug rarely
I need you to know you just can't give up on me
because everybody else did 
I need you to know I am never going to give up on you
so stay here with me 

He's gone forever

I lost you quicker
A lot faster than I thought you were going to go
Thoughts are not even allowed to linger
and body no longer will experience a tingle
every time you come near, because now you’re gone like the sun going away after the day ends
but the only difference is, you are not coming back again
Gone forever maybe to find out who we really are
without each other
gone forever
and no longer can I ask were are we and where have we gone
because we lost each other during that week
and there is no use in looking for each other because we disappeared and neither of us were meant to be seeked
but the smell of you still lives here and it sensitive to nose
you are gone forever but when your scent travels past my nose
I get this tendency to turn around in hope that you might possibly appear once more
like a car traveling down a one way road,  there’s no way of squeezing another car in for two
he is gone forever
and I did not make you love me, you just did
now he is gone forever, but where does love go when what we had ends
does love keep running until it is all out, or does it just get buried inside of us
until our futures allow us to meet back up
I don’t know if I no longer anticipate seeing your name call my phone
or making sure you are the last face I see before my eyes rest for awhile
he is gone forever
so I anticipate a new beginning and the blurry vision of a man who will one day be the first face I see when I wake up in the morning
already looking back at me
because he did not want to miss awakening of his future

he is gone forever
and maybe that’s why I do not try to think about that as much
and I do not know if it is possible to feel that way again for another. but I am hoping I can
he is gone forever
and I never wanted happily ever after
because that would mean that one day we would eventually end
and that is what exactly happened to us
you are gone from me for ever
and I wished before that I could be all… for you
but he is gone forever and I am nothing at all to you
we are gone forever
and it might not be possible to start new

Thank You for Understanding, Frigidity, Heartlessness- HYDRANGEA