Blessing on us Both

I found new love again

And that's only because it was almost perfect

Almost worth it

Courting me as if you were done seeking affection from random misses

And I was the one that made you different 

The one that made you hope for marriage

Playfully but carefully picked out subtle names for subsequent babies 

That you believed, if we had a girl she would drive you crazy 

Bc you explained she would look and act like her mother,

Me 

Your stubborn, strong willed but delicate lady

I wanted to love this man 

Who agreed, our babies would share the same first letter as our names

You would argue, as if I was having your child so bad 

that our first daughter would be named after your favorite football team 

Bc you are a huge Dallas fan

I miss this man 

and it sucks because all I imagine is kissing this man 

But I had to write this poem bc it helps me

Release a little bit of you from me at a time 

Helps me to cope with the reality that you are no longer mine 

Our conversations are now empty and before I could only imagine that what we are putting ourselves through now, could only be a lie

I thought I was close

And now we are both pulling each other on opposite sides of the rope

And I can't trust u to pull me close

And I want to hold you but my hands still burn from the tugging you did on the rope 

And I want to love you but I don't want to tie you. down, for fear that you may just go

I prayed that this could work

I cried Bc of hurt

And I shake with the thought of having to face you one day soon, and know I will have to show u what I wrote,

In Jesus name I cried asking him to heal us both 

Clarify that this is love, and this may work

In your name I pray renew us both 

Get back to what really mattered the most

And relive the night you first met me,

And thought that this girl right here I can't not see her not being beside me

In his name let these words I wrote 

Help me release the control that I think I have and let the One Above workout a blessing on us both

I want to love you

Control (Repost)

My arms
no longer by the side of me
rather they are stretched out
as if they are thinking differently then me
out trying to reach something that I was told was suppose to be free
Love
but why do I feel as if I paying for something that I will never be able to
actually afford
my arms are reaching to be caught up in the middle of another's limbs
that are suppose to hold me with amorous embrace
and a chest that shelters a heart
that replaces any other sound with a genuine heart race
my arms reach with caution though
because my arms are wanting you to hold me now
But everything else inside of me is saying no
and staring each other down
doesn't help
because my arms would do anything to be apart of another's body
and push me into your arms as if they were apart of Cupid themselves
my arms aren't listening to me
as if these arms know what's best for me
They have plans for me
but I can't support them
because I feel like I been reaching out for you for way to long
I don't want them to reach out in hope that you are doing the same in return
and I don't want my arms to be wrap around air
I don't want to embrace you and realize that this affair is only allowed to be rare
I don't want my arms to coil around your waste to find that my limbs don't belong there
I don't want them to be wrapped around you
to only find out after that I can't hold you for too long
And I don't want to reach out to touch someone who doesn't really exist here
So I try to restrain my arms
And keep then under control
because my arms are the only thing listening to what my heart wants, besides my stare
But I can't let myself go for someone that I don't know was really ever there

On the Trigger

Sometimes I have this vision

of me loading all your words all into a gun

as if they were bullets

aiming at point blank range

so close, I can feel your heart beat against the muzzle

my finger on the trigger

no witness around to say I did it

so shut up

don't say one more thing

or my finger just may build enough courage to pull it

even though I know I couldn't shoot enough rounds

after reloading a couple times

for you to feel it

to feel the same lies

the same agony

the same shame

the same shots you rang out

as my heart was the target and  I was the range

so please don't say anything

because the words you speak are the reason why we are here now

with this automatic pointed at your chest

and your words bound

I have turned this pain into power now

with the ability to take life and love away

devastate your entire being in the same way you did me

find my way back in your life

just to break you down, while I watch you smile

I should let these bullets fly

while looking only into your eyes

I want you to know how it feels

to have love die inside

after thinking  you were living the best days of your life

and then falling apart after deliberately being hit by the love of your life

see you are my hearts glitch

and I'm trying to find when I fell for you like this

you are no longer my hearts power on switch

so as I lift this pistol,

this is not the time to pitch your sorriest apologies

or grab my hand to clinch

and as I aim I rather you not flinch

for the reason that this gun I drew

is still deciding whether this bullet is still for you

Real Word: Alysia Harris

"16 Bars for Kendrick Lamar"

"On Things of Which I am Ashamed" Zora Howard

Depth Over Distance

"you didn't call to say you missed me, you didn't call to say you cared."

Social Networking Bust

Social Networking all I have to say to you
During this rough time in my life about
85 percent of the time I can’t stand you
For the reason that
I think you were personally made to set me up
to constantly go through my mental roller deck and
want to deck every memory that I ever shared with him
And  I cant push all the blame on you because I added to it
By  making the biggest mistake
posting past moments together and informing others that I am now taken
and I despise going down my old twitter feeds, because back then I wish I had an awaken
So for quite some time I excused my timelines and newfeeds
Because there was no way I wanted to scroll down my screen
in my deplorable and miserable state
And see pictures and words from you that pertain to what we use to be
 now  on instgram the only place I thought we were detached
But you always find back, in my life you find your way to latch
Even if that means making it you priority to follow every last one of my closest friends
 Then you make sure you like every photo that I appear in
Then occasionally like a photo of mine to reassure me that I may no longer be personable in your life
but I for damn sure going to remind you that I exist in your life
Once you see this notification for this like
Hoping in return I will finally decide to follow you back, it’s not happening
Mainly because I can no longer stand your face, and in scrolling down my Instargram
I can’t even imagine seeing a happy photo of someone that has shattered my heart in ways that I can’t seem to put back in place
When trying to escape you from instagram I make my way to facebook in hope that I can have some clarity there because your deactivated
But after some time not speaking your activated,
after  a couple minutes discovering I’m also on facebook,
you suddenly write positive quotes, right after I would post,
to indirectly convince me that you have moved on, but its actually saying that
I finally decided to un-deactive my facebook and I’m  going to continue to write meaningless quotes until you noticed I’m on
And if that doesn’t work, your  facebook is asking you what’s on your mind, so you decide to be that guy and post an update to your  status
with the lyrics to my  favorite song
Why do you find ways to emotionally drag me along?
Especially when you send messages describing how much you love me then
Blaming it on the fact that you are not connected to with natural self,
In other words, you chose to make excuses, and blame it on the alcohol that you say you’re abusing
When we both know at that moment, alcohol was not what you were using
You’re just making excuses to quickly cover up those three words, that soberly you’re not man enough to speak of
 so I can find myself,  tossing over and turning all night over your so called “drunk text”  wondering if it  any truth to it
 And I fight myself so much I excuse it
When going through what feels like a breakup, I cant help but be socially drained.
Because I hate to log on and see your name
and be updated on how you are happy (happy) without me today
Or how a trip we planned on taken was experienced with another
And you even had the opportunity to visually display how much fun you both had together
I can’t stand you social networking, because every time I see your name on my display
My heart can never bare it all and just runs away
Or how you find ways to hang out with my best friend
When we both know you’re doing it because that is the only way you can receive updates on how I have been
or when social networking isn’t enough and you just happen to appear in the same place that I am in
And many times I have thought about
uncommencing our friendship like it never had a start
and in reality  I rather not look at your face
because everything inside of me would reminisce back to when we were in that place
and sometimes participating in the same networks as you
never prepares me for when I have to look at you in the face
so I will continue to ignore facebook messages
instagram likes and act like I didn’t see tweets about you about
how you saw me from a face and I looked nice today
because I will never  be able to believe in any word that you say
especially when you are only able you express how you feel
when it is delivered as a notification on my iphone display

Zora Howard- Before Bed

"The Happy Couple" (Death Poem"