Trouble Resting

My air is completely emptied out of me
I am not even apart of me
sometimes I lay at night
feeling like I am wide awake next to my sleeping body
resting isn't easy
and my mind has trouble resting down for me
how is this feeling, that has plummeted all the way down to the bottom of my gut
blocking everything inside of me
even my air ways
and this hurt I try to pray away
I don't even know how I am breathing
and I don't know how I can get in my bed
lay down to a dark room and tears that leave stains
when my eyelids do not conceal my eyes
and I'm barely sleeping through the pain
the worst part of feeling this way
is that all this trouble I am having
is probably for nothing
So i pray every night that I rather feel nothing
or that you are feeling something
maybe even thinking about me
and I wish I could experience some type of communication from you
because that would mean that maybe you are feeling this too
I would give anything to tell you I love you again
I don't want to admit that I angry
and I explode in my prays because I think maybe
the God is punishing me again
I'm am a "send" button away from just texting it to you
but embarrassment is humiliatingly
and my already torn heart cant do that to myself
It's almost like I am so close, self destruct
be I think about the things we did
and I just don't want to lose all those things

Random: Late Night Poetry Session

You walked into my life when depression seemed to become the root of it all
I was giving up, willing to give up everything,
 turn in it all But you appeared just in time, potent enough to take on it all
Strong enough to correct everything in love that I have experienced was wrong
Change my heart to believe that it is possible to stumble upon a king of your own
One willing enough to heal a Queen who is the most important and beautiful of her kind but yet seemed to coexist with a covert jester
who only wanted to see her fall this Queen unable to eat,
 not able to battle her weakest enemies unable to sleep,
rest for energy to control her own activity Incapable of speech because conversation seemed to lack substance or truth,
it didn’t have any not able to see because water filled eyes made everything blurry
But you, you a King were strong for this Queen physically and mentally
holding on to God given power that only a real man could carry a King allowing his queen to rest not just for beauty but for him because her strength is the reason why he lives
A king who speaks not just of authority but of praises and respect for a Queen who makes him feel like she makes up each and every cell running through his body
And a King able to wipe off or turn those tears of his Queen to joy,
because just the feeling of her presence near, raises every hair on his body arose
A king who knows the risk of loving this Queen is all his and worth it
But he does,
because that is what a ruler of real love was sent to love
A Queen unable to be depressed when her night in shining armor is also her best
 A king who does not make it hard for his Queen
And a King who forces depression to leave and makes it easy for her to watch bad love make it leave This king doesn’t want space, and will wait up for her
 He rather be in a Thorne beside hers or occupying the same area that she blessed,
 A king who ago knows a Queen deserves better and this King is that better
And no other man be that space filler a Queen is not inadequate rather she is beyond ample enough for the King
 A king will do anything to make his Queen stay
 A king will walk in her life ready to stay and we never be somewhere else when his Queen needs him