"On Things of Which I am Ashamed" Zora Howard

it has been an entire year that we have been apart from each other
and to me that is a good thing
we both had some growing to do and it had to be done with us not being together
we learned to hurt each other the entire time together
and it was just getting worse
we learned to lie to one another and couldn't tell the truth even if it did not hurt
we could not be apart from each other
when being apart from each other for us worked
we could not learn to miss each other
and we could not be away
but one of use had to let the other go for our own sake
the all that time we spent together I want to believe it was real
but for now without you
my head is clear
without the hurt and the pain I see clearly now
that you were everything that I feared but I had to go through it with you and face those fears

Sorriest Sorry

Today I thought about, way more than a brief second. Probably for about 5 minutes. Those minutes were long, long enough for me to think about every song we listened to with each other, every late night we ever spent together, and ever conversation we held between each other. I did not plan on thinking about you, it somehow entered my mind. I find no matter how hard I tried, once my mind focuses and clears, you always find a way to reappear. I thought I was over, I thought I was starting new. So I was hoping the reason for my mind hoarding thoughts about you is only because that is its way of disposing you. I haven’t had the heart of saying out loud that I am totally through. For the reason that I believe in speaking things into existence and I still have hope that our time isn’t past due. In those seconds I felt every sensation, that I shared with you, whether its soft and warm because of the way you smiled, or your hands griping my forearm, while I set a fire inside because you said this would be the last time you would ever have to apologize. So I am saying my sorriest sorry because we always discussed that we would always share our feelings for each other, but now we do not talk to one another. But I am thinking about you, All the lies you told when I only ask for your truth, and all those words you spoke to me that feel like irritated gun shot wounds. I am still thinking about you, probably way more than I should. But it’s my mind telling me that you are possibly good or possibly bad you are for me, and these feelings I have for you are just misunderstood. Time will tell but I apologize to you because I thought about you once more and you don’t know. But I have this feeling that you’re feeling something when you enter my mind. So I apologize because we always said we would tell each other out loud. I’m Sorry because your thinking about me now, I can feel it.